[Rivertontalk] 17 Puns

[William Press]

• Acupuncture: a jab well done.
• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
• When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
• A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.
• The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
• The batteries were given out free of charge.
• A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
• A will is a dead giveaway.
• If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
• You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
• Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
• A boiled egg is hard to beat.
• When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
• Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
• If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
• A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
• In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
• When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.